Self-esteem is how we perceive ourselves, particularly in relation to our view of  our own self-worth or value.  Common sets of beliefs associated with low self-esteem usually relate to being good enough, adequacy, inferiority, competency, worthiness, attractiveness, feeling loved, and failing, (CCI).  The effects that negative core beliefs can have are that they can lead to constant self-criticism, anxiety, depression, anger, eating disorders, as well as have a substantial negative effect on daily functioning.  Transforming negative core beliefs can sometimes be complex.  For example, an initial belief concerning worthiness may have been formed during childhood due to experiencing a significant conflict.  As a person grows older they may encounter many other environmental stressors, which they interpret to be ‘evidence’ of this belief; thus further reinforcing a negative self-perception.  Therefore, one negative belief can be related to multiple complex stressors, and to transform these beliefs effectively requires persistence, patience, and the right therapy techniques.  However, the good news is that with the right tools low self-esteem can be transformed successfully, be it of a low, moderate or high intensity.  

Whilst not an exhaustive list, the following are a few suggestions on how to effectively build healthy self-esteem.  

Self-Therapy

It is possible to change negative perceptions, and enhance self-esteem yourself.  To do this effectively, learn a therapy technique, as well as study all about the condition and how the brain works.  One technique I would recommend is Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT), which is used by therapists to treat patients, but also promoted as a self-care strategy.  EFT incorporates and builds on various traditional and non-traditional medicine models such as acupuncture, thought field therapy, as well as cognitive and exposure therapy.  In its basic form, EFT works by tapping on various acupuncture points, eye movements, mental imagery, as well as psychological reversal statements, to help shift negative beliefs, emotions and behaviours.  It can also be cross-applied to treat most mental and physical health problems.  

However, be mindful of the fact that shifting negative core beliefs can be quite challenging, even when working with a therapist!  In the case of severe low self-esteem, it often presents with other conditions; therefore it may be less time consuming, and more effective, to invest in working with a therapist that will know precisely how to help you transform negative thoughts, emotions and behaviours.  

Overcoming self-condemnation 

A key symptom of low self-esteem is chronic self-criticism and anger.  This can include constantly criticising yourself for minor faults; magnifying a problem and forming assumptions about yourself that are not warranted; blaming yourself for ‘failures’, or if others violate your rights; as well as not letting go of mistakes and using these as a yardstick to measure your own self-worth.  This constant internal critic and feelings of anger can take a severe toll on mental and physical health outcomes, as well as daily activities such as work, education and relationships.  Therefore, it’s necessary to break this mental pattern, process negative emotions, and develop self-empathy and compassion.  Following, I’ve created a self-care strategy that may assist you with this.  Again, this is not a substitute for therapy in the case of severe psychological distress, however it does incorporate tried and tested strategies proven to transform negative thoughts and emotions.  If possible, write the answers to the questions.  

1.  What have you observed that is causing self-criticism or anger?

Be specific and focus on facts, not evaluations.

A specific fact is: I got poor grades in the exam

An evaluation is: I’m stupid

2.  What emotions do you feel, and where do you feel them in the body?  

3. Now ask yourself “what am I thinking? What conclusions am I drawing about this problem?”  

4. Assess the intensity of the emotions; for instance, zero equals no anger, and ten equals extreme anger.

5. As you focus on these emotions, using two fingers, tap between your eyebrows 12 times. Now tap under your eyes 12 times (both simultaneously). Now tap on the area above the upper lip, beneath the nostrils, 12 times. Next, tap on your chin 12 times; then tap in the middle of your collarbone, beneath your throat, 12 times.  Now hold your head still, and roll your eyes clockwise and then anticlockwise slowly, 3 times.  Now practice the 5/11 breathing technique for a few minutes. This involves breathing in to the count of 5, and exhaling to the count of 11.

6.  Repeat steps 2-5 until you notice a significant reduction in negative emotions.  

7.  What is an alternative way of thinking of this situation?  Try to construct this in positive terms.  

8.  Empathise.

Imagine yourself to be an observer, watching yourself in this situation from a distance.  Now try to understand what happened in a non-judgmental and compassionate way.

Example: everyone goes through difficulties, you deserve understanding and compassion.  

9.  Now ask yourself, ‘what have I learned from this situation?’.  

Learn to be assertive 

Research suggests that an inability to be assertive tends to go hand in hand with low self esteem.  When we don’t express how we think or feel about a problem that requires change, it can further exacerbate low self-esteem.  In the following video I’ve also outlined a simple technique to be assertive.  Practice this regularly as it will be helpful to reduce negative emotions, as well as build self-esteem and confidence.